Sessha wa Rurouni
by elspeth725
Summary: Kaoru angst


WARNINGS: Death and Angst  
  
DISCLAIMER: Nope RK isn't mine. Never was, never will be no matter how much I wish it were so.  
  
I…. This…. was…. I think… waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!  
  
::sniff:: enjoy minna! ::sniff, sniff::  
  
  
  
The raven-haired girl sat in the corner of the dark room watching the boy on the futon breathe. She'd been sitting there for hours counting every breath he took and counting every thing that was different about him. He was so pale, like he was a just breath away from being gone. It hurt her to see him like this so thin and weak, so very unlike the boy she knew. "Kami- sama…please not again…. I already lost my unborn child…. Don't take him away please….." she whispered, silent tears falling down her cheeks. "If only I had listened…if only…."  
  
"Kaoru?" a low soft voice asked.  
  
She wiped her tears hastily. "Nani, Kenshin-anata?" she asked looking at her red-haired husband who stood at the doorway.  
  
"Maybe you should get some rest koishii," Kenshin said worry clouding his violet eyes. "You've been watching over him for hours and you didn't eat anything since this morning de gozaru."  
  
"I'm okay, anata. I'll just stay here a while longer just to make sure he's fine," she replied. "I'll join you soon. I just want…." she added when he looked at her doubtfully.  
  
"Aa, I understand," he cut in, kneeling in front of her. "He'll be fine Kaoru-koishii. And I don't want you to get ill too. You will rest soon, ne?"  
  
"Aa."  
  
"Good, don't worry. I'm sure it'll be just as Megumi said, he'll be just fine de gozaru," he said, placing a soft kiss on her brow. At Kaoru's reluctant nod, he sighed. "Come to bed soon, ok?" And with one last kiss on her brow he left the room quietly.  
  
Kaoru turned her attention to the seemingly peaceful boy lying on the futon. But she knew better, she saw it in the way his chest heaved with difficulty each breath he took, or the way he winced as if in pain at regular intervals. "Kami-sama! Yahiko I am so sorry!" she whispered to the silent boy. This was all her fault!  
  
It had been a week now since he'd gotten sick and he was getting worse. She could only guess that he'd gotten it from her. The weeks after the miscarriage she had been slowly neglecting herself and it had taken a toll on her body. She became sick, very sick. It had taken weeks for her to get better, with Kenshin & Yahiko always at her side.  
  
When she finally got better, she began to immerse herself in teaching. She pushed herself to her limits taking with her those she taught. What she didn't know was Yahiko had somehow caught her illness and was steadily beginning to weaken. And finally when he felt that his body could no longer take it. He approached her and told her that he wasn't feeling well. She saw it as an excuse to get out of his lessons and lashed out at him. Giving him harsher lessons and heavier work until he finally he collapsed.  
  
Kaoru buried her face in her arms violent sobs racking her body. "It's all my fault! It's all my fault! Yahiko please, gomen nasai!"  
  
Kaoru awoke with a start. Everything was silent. No sound could be heard not even the sound of ragged breathing. "No…" she whispered, staring horrified at Yahiko's still form.  
  
"Yahiko!" She cried out, going to his side. "YAHIKO NO! KENSHIN! YAHIKO!!!!!"  
  
  
  
'They are burying him today.'  
  
Kaoru sat on the wooden porch staring out into the yard unseeingly. She couldn't come with them. Couldn't stand to see him being buried. She can't face the people's looks. What they must be thinking of her.  
  
"And they're right," she whispered. "Kami-sama they are so right." Silent tears ran down her cheeks to form dark spots on her blue yukata. This was all because of her. They were right to blame her. Just like she killed her unborn child, she killed Yahiko.  
  
Her grip on the bokken on her lap tightened. This was Yahiko's bokken. She had given it to him when he had truly mastered the Kamiya Kashin ougi. It had once been hers given to her by her father. It was beautiful, made of dark oak and with an intricately carve hilt. Yahiko was so proud when she gave it to him. That was gone know, she killed it. Killed him, killed his pride. Killed the hopes she held for him. Wasted the potential Kenshin saw in him. Killed the ototo Sano found in him, and Megumi, Tae, Genzai-sensei and Tsubame… Kami-sama Tsubame!  
  
"How can I ever face them," she whispered, her shoulders shaking with silent sobs. She didn't deserve to be with them. She didn't deserve anyone of them. Not their pity. Not their friendship. Not they're understanding. And certainly not their love. She was a murderer. Worse, a murderer of children. She was not worthy of anything.  
  
Especially not Kenshin. She cannot face him. She cannot look him in the eye and accept the understanding and love she saw in his eyes. He had been so gentle, so caring, whispering words of support. Even though pain and grief was evident in his eyes, he still found it in him to put her feelings before his. She cannot accept what he is offering.  
  
She didn't deserve his love.  
  
  
  
"Tadaima!" Kenshin called out wearily, as he entered the dojo yard. He had come home early from the burial because something bothered him, he felt uneasy.  
  
Silence met his greeting.  
  
"Koishii?" Kenshin tried once more. Silence again.  
  
He sighed, crossing the empty yard to enter the house. He was worried about Kaoru. She didn't seem to be herself. But then she hadn't been herself for several weeks now. Ever since they lost her. He knows that Kaoru blames herself for the lost of their child. But it wasn't her fault; it was something that they couldn't have stopped. And even though the lost of a daughter that had ebony hair and violet eyes plagued his dreams, he understood that. He had tried to tell her that but she wouldn't listen. And the knowledge that he was slowly losing the person that meant the most to him was eating him up inside. It was worse now after Yahiko…is gone. Now she blames herself even more. She treated Yahiko as her brother. Yahiko was a brother to both of them. And this guilt was consuming her. He couldn't even reach her. It was like she'd built this wall around herself that no one could breach, not even him.  
  
But he wasn't going to give up. He had lost so many in his life. His family, his friends, Tomoe, their child and now Yahiko. He refuses to lose her too. No he won't!  
  
Kenshin pushed the shoji of their room open, expecting to see Kaoru sitting in the corner or lying in the futon staring at nothing.  
  
An empty room greeted him.  
  
Something heavy thudded in his heart. He quickly walked to the shoji across the room. Throwing it open, he scanned the wooden porch. Nothing.  
  
Fear in his heart and panic in his body, he quickly searched the house for any sign of Kaoru. Still nothing.  
  
Frantic, he returned to their room, looking for signs or clues of where she might have gone. Then he stopped. There pinned with a knife on the wall beside the shoji, was something he'd missed earlier.  
  
A piece of paper, wrinkled and full of tear stains. On it was three words. Three words that tore his heart apart. A part of it for her, because he knew the pain that she feeling at this very moment. A larger part of it for him, because person he loved was hurting. Because Kaoru was gone. Because he finally knew how she felt long ago.  
  
With three words his world exploded.  
  
"Sessha wa Rurouni"  
  
  
  
Author's notes:  
  
Waaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!! ::sniff, sniff:: I can't believe I wrote this! ::sniff, sniff:: please don't kill me minna!  
  
Gomen, I was in angsty mood when I thought of this. And when I when I though about it I couldn't loose it. The idea intrigued me I had to write it!  
  
I'm turning into an angst writer right before my very eyes! And I'm not even that fond of angst!!!  
  
C&C are badly needed minna!!! Please, onegai, say something…  
  
Elspeth  
  
::who is even now bapping herself because she wrote this:: 


End file.
